You fat bastard

   Previous             Browse archive             Next    


NIKON D70 - 1/60 sec, f1.8 at 50mm

Today, being Monday, is Pie Day. So at lunch time I headed down to get my pie from Bernies Bakery, the best pie shop in the world. Who'd have thought that the best pie shop in the world would be right here in Browns Bay? Convenient.

Anyways, there was a queue in front of the pie warmer, so I stood patiently and waited. After about 45 seconds, I had switched off and was vacantly looking at the lino on the floor thinking my thoughts. While thinking about nothing in particular, it occurred to me that the guy standing in line in front of me had freakin massive calves. His calf muscles where easily bigger than my thighs. In fact, I wagered to myself, I bet those damn calves are bigger than my body.

My eyes traveled up to see who it was that owned such massive stumps of legs. Bloody hell he was one huge mother. Enormous shoulders that just seemed to flow straight into his head. Definitely no neck.

While I was contemplating where his head started and his shoulders stopped, he turned to me to apologize for taking so long. I told him it was no problem, I wasn't going to starve to death and there was no pressure to hurry up. Besides which, if it was a problem, I bet he could have squashed me with one of those giant steak hands.

He went on to tell me that normally 3 pies was enough for lunch but today he felt like a 4th and couldn't make up his mind which flavor it was going to be.

I got half way thinking what a fat bastard he was when I decided it'd be better not to think that, just in case I said it out loud.

The Photo

Gabba and the kids were stealing pears from the old biddy next door's pear tree. This despite the fact she is now in hospital, near death no doubt. I thought what the hell, I haven't taken a photo in 4 weeks. So it's a pear that the birds got to before the thieving family could.

Post Meta

Posted: Monday, 26 February, 2007 20:20

Captured: 2007:02:26 19:59:13

Add your own comment

  • HEY!!!! shes not near death she moved out. We are not a theiving family! Hmmmmm I can picture that fat guy very well he makes you look weak !!!
    Sarah - Monday, 26 February, 2007 20:28
  • It's not thieving, it's Enquiry Learning the Cooper-ites were evaluating the differences between shop bought and home grown.....when mini Cooper goes on camp - remind me not to stand in front of you in case you're evaluating the size of my rear end.....
    Michele - Tuesday, 27 February, 2007 8:13
  • nice to have you back, I thought you must have been all blogged out :-)
    Ma - Tuesday, 27 February, 2007 16:50
  • Fat bastards, pies and bird pecked pears. Mmm.
    sandy - Wednesday, 28 February, 2007 15:09
  • I think the fat bastard ate the pear. Nice to have you back.
    Nova - Wednesday, 28 February, 2007 16:31
  • I think the fat bastard ate the pear. Nice to have you back.
    Nova - Wednesday, 28 February, 2007 16:31
  • The message has come up twice again. I thought I'd fixed the problem. Hope this doesn't come up twice.
    Nova - Wednesday, 28 February, 2007 16:37
  • I have the secret to weight loss for fat bastards, it goes like this: Don't freaken eat so much.
    Tim - Wednesday, 28 February, 2007 21:48
  • I think that fat bastard must have been thinking of you Tim as only half the pear as been eaten.
    Nova - Saturday, 3 March, 2007 17:45

All commments are held for moderated before publication so your words will not appear until we are ready.