If you've ever bought Kraft Mac n cheese, listen up

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NIKON D70 - 1/8000 sec, f1.8 at 50mm

We all know there is too many people on the planet. Lately in my spare time, I've been mulling over ways of fixing that problem.

My first answer was to simply vaporize everyone on my shit list. But that'd probably leave an unsustainably small number of people, which is a bad thing. My loin fruit would eventually be procreating with people I already know and that doesn't bear thinking about for most of them/us/me.

The Logan's Run method also doesn't really work. As I've found out, and contrary to what I thought when I was a teenager, life doesn't actually end when you turn 30.

Disease isn't really knocking back the population fast enough either. Big Pharma are getting too good at keeping the black death at bay.

So I've now come up with a new idea, Selective Culling.

Setting the criteria for that culling hasn't proved as difficult as I first thought:


  • If you've ever watched a wrestling match (WWF, WWE, WWanythingelse) then expect to be culled under my new regime
  • All those people that have ever purchased and eaten Kraft Mac n Cheese for nourishment instead of plain curiosity = cull
  • Anyone that has not seat-belted their kids into a car - you don't deserve to be here either = cull
  • Everyone that has ever sent spam and everyone that has ever bought something from a spam email. Same goes for those fuckers comment spamming blogs = cull
  • The guy at Microsoft that coded that annoying bloody popup telling me I have unused icons on my desktop. I know they are unused, that doesn't mean I don't want them, so you will be culled too. Please report to me.
  • And finally any one that has anything to do with organized religion. None of you bastards can be trusted, so you'll need to go too. Thanks


Can you think of any other groups that could usefully be selectively culled? I'm happy to help!

I'm sure that if we tried hard enough, there'd be plenty of room for all us remaining to have nice waterfront properties.

I wonder if I'm coming down with some sort of mental problem?

The Photo

Why the hell do plants go to so much trouble with the whole seed pod thing?

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Posted: Wednesday, 14 May, 2008 22:44

Captured: 2008:05:11 13:59:36

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  • Ha, on most points I would concur. They should have interviewed you when making Grumpy Old Men http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grumpy_Old_Men_(TV_series) If you haven't seen that you should, you'll like it.
    Tim - Thursday, 15 May, 2008 3:13
  • can you add to your list telemarketers and the customer service people at american express? cheers. ...oh, and also big SUV driving people, people with more money than sense, politicians, government officials, anyone working for homeland security, and the people who won't let you put an electrical outlet in a bathroom in New Zealand. k thx.
    Karen - Thursday, 15 May, 2008 13:23
  • Shooting with the 50mm, nice Dave. I'd add anyone involved with the design of a motorolla phone this millennium.
    Glen - Thursday, 15 May, 2008 15:15
  • Grow longer and harder today with this superb growth package http://www.bramein.com/ Please don't cull me, thanks.
    Olly - Thursday, 15 May, 2008 18:10
  • I'd add this people who don't click on my log and my blog:P
    alice79 - Sunday, 18 May, 2008 4:32
  • DAVE you may have found the way to end global warming , a very savere reduction in global population
    ERROL - Sunday, 18 May, 2008 21:50
  • Way to go Dave. I whole heartly concur with your method.
    Nova - Friday, 23 May, 2008 19:33
  • I bloody hate it when the wankers that made Excel decide that the adjacent cells which have a different formula deem a warning (which is OK) but when you right click on it you get an option called "Ignore Error". It's not an error you moron, it's supposed to be like that. You're the fucking error! Now piss off.
    Rik - Thursday, 5 June, 2008 17:36
  • This guy should be right up towards the top of the list. http://www.engadget.com/2008/07/08/iphone-jonny-worlds-first-iphone-3g-owner-in-waiting/
    Glen - Thursday, 10 July, 2008 14:37
  • I was responsible for iphone jonny (see July 10 below from Glen, so I guess I'm f**ked.
    Blair - Thursday, 1 March, 2012 15:44

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